The Conditioning Effect

" I remember the first time I saw someone
lying on the cold street
I thought, I can't just walk past here
this can't just be true
but I learned by example
to just keep moving my feet
It's amazing the things that we all learn to do."
--Ani DiFranco


It rained all day. I was wrapped up in trips to the Sorbonne, getting advice on my CV, making photocopies, filling out forms... and twice I walked past the same homeless man outside the grand Sorbonne building, scrubbed white, flags flying, guards at each door. He sat on a piece of cardboard, his dirty hands with long fingernails held a novel. He didn't look up, just had a small tin cup in front of him and a cardboard sign on which he'd simply written "S.V.P." (short for "s'il vous plait"--please). Both times I glanced into his cup, only to see the smallest copper coins--the 1 and 2 centieme pieces. But I was on a mission. I had work to accomplish. I had places to go. It wasn't until I returned to my neighborhood after, not surprisingly, somewhat fruitless efforts, that I passed another homeless man. This time the man spoke to me, asking for 40 centieme. I shook my head and approached the intersection. The rain was coming down and the streetlights reflected on the wet pavement. I glanced down at myself. Leather jacket. Nice boots. Clean jeans and a warm sweater. I imagined a character sketch of myself, and I realized that I'd much rather be that girl who always gives spare change to the homeless than the girl who usually walks past.